I passed a major milestone this week when I dropped off my daughter at college for the first time. This milestone has been passed by thousands of people over the years, but that volume of traffic didn’t mean anything to me. It was my unique and personal experience.
Over the past several months as I prepared for this day, I thought about whether I had taught her everything she needed to know to go to college and to live her life on her own. I worried that I may have forgotten a major lesson that she needed to learn. I wondered if I had done enough as a parent to prepare her.
I woke up very early the day I was going to drop her off (the first number on the clock was 4). I often wake up early and start thinking about the day ahead and quite often those thoughts include more worries than I really like or like to admit to. That day, those worries included how the “drop off” process would go and how she would do at school. But, that morning, in a strange but very clear way, I heard an almost audible voice that said, “you don’t have to worry about her; she’ll be fine.”
The whole process went off great. We found our spot, unloaded all of her possessions, and hauled them up to her room on the third floor. After getting unpacked and starting the process of settling in, we walked across campus together to go out for lunch. As we walked, I told her that I was excited for her as she started this phase.
Later that day, I had a chance to attend the funeral visitation for my aunt who had passed away at the age of 92. I probably wouldn’t have made a special trip in the middle of the week for the visitation or funeral, but I was glad I could attend since I was in town. It was good to see and visit with some of my cousins whom I haven’t seen for years. We talked briefly about the times and memories we shared as cousins. We also talked about where we were at in our own lives after all these years.
Following the visitation, back at my sister’s house where I was staying the night, my brother shared from a blog that he had read about what it means to leave a legacy. The general thought from this blog was that the legacy we leave behind is not really about being remembered for our accomplishments, but how we share our values with our children and watch them grow and become adults based on the values. The values we live by were shaped by the generations who lived before us, and the values we share with our children are part of the legacy we leave behind.
The author of the blog quoted her dad, “It made me who I am, and that let me pass that on to you kids, just as natural as breathing. And now I get to see you and your kids living in that legacy too. Knowing names is fine, but nothing could be better than seeing how the legacy lives and breathes.”
Leaving my oldest daughter at college was not as hard as I thought it would be. I knew that she was ready, and the clear voice in the morning provided a sense of relief to me. She was ready to be on her own and to make her own way. In someway, that voice helped me make peace about the worries that I had not taught her everything she needed to know.
It is said that things never really end, but that they just transition to something different. I like the idea of milestones, there are moments and places to mark as we take our long intentional walk. At this milestone, I am not done being a parent, and she is not on her own without her family, but it does mark a transition to a new phase of our lives together.
I don’t know if I would call any of this a “legacy,” but it is my hope that my “long obedience in the same direction” has served my children well, and if that is true, then that will have “made life worth living.”
A Long Intentional Walk 